you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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