just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
