They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
