remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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