I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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