Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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