mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Say something about gay babies.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
