That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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