i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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