Fuck appropriateness.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
