So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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