Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize