Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
