Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
