Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She told me I should be a condom model.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
