I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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