it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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