All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
