Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
