it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
