what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
