you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
