I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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