I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
