Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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