Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
