she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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