i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
