THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
