I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize