Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
