I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
