so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
