Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
