I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
