If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
