it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
