best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
