and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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