he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
the liver wants what the liver wants
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize