my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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