did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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