Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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