i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
