just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
