So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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