Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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