glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
