I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
