I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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