i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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