Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
