It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
