I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
