We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
