yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
