I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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