my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Randomize
