you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
