I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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