I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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