Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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