There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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