he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize