Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
