where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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