Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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