My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
