i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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