i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Two words: blizzard sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
