If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
