They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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