Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
