i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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