I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i love accidental penises.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
